Why didn’t anybody warn me?

that one day you’d consume my life

And thoughts of you would keep me company while I lie awake at night.

Literally planning the next day in my head.

Amid the growing pile of laundry beside my bed.

I remember the time

When the sun came out for 3 of the hundreds of grey a year

And the first thing I could think of (sadly) was,

That that I needed to put the clothes out to dry to make the most of the sunshine.

You see, I grew up rather dreamy, and a little lazy…

Pic: Project for TheTonik.Co on Unsplash

I believe that many of life’s problems don’t quite have a name.

Like the guilt that eats at you when you’re overweight, on a diet, and order takeaway from McDonalds.

Or the speed at which you switch to Netflix when the charity appeal ad for starving children in Yemen comes on TV.

When you litter on a clean road after signing a petition against plastic waste.

When you love the heavy gush of the monsoon rain from indoors, but hate the inconvenience caused by drippy rain when it drizzles.

When your beautiful wife has dreadfully yellowing teeth which you are…

Children like balm

Photo by Diego PH on Unsplash

There are two little children who give me hope

When I rather mope

And languish (the word of 2021?)

In response to all the suffering, I see in the world today.

They push me outside the hard gates of my heart

Sweet and silly antics, I am forced to take part

Peals of laughter and tinkly giggles

I forget about the sorrowful state of the world today.

Cancelled plans, endless rain, skies of dreary grey

We're all locked inside, nerves about to fray

But it slowly seeps into my being

I am the centre of their world…

Image: Rohan Hande for the Atlantic

As Covid cases gently fall here in the UK and the sunshine falls on our doorstep reminding us of cheery summer days to come, I find myself unable to experience joy despite the fact that every ounce of my being wants to.

These are uncertain times and I have hesitant hopes for the future. I rush to sign up for outdoor activities, make plans to meet up with friends and dream up elaborate plans for travel in a post-Covid world.

But what undermines everything is news of the Covid 2nd wave ravishing India.

I come from a liberal, educated background…

Hang in there

Life as we know it, has changed irreversibly over the past few months and left every one of us feeling unhinged and uncomfortable. To varying degrees.

I have been reflecting on this surreal phase in life, and the following are a few sobering truths and thoughts that have been collecting in my mind for a while.

  1. Life is short

Let’s start with a dark one.

I feel an increased sense of awareness of my own mortality, and the brittleness of life.

I try to escape this harsh truth, but there is no where to hide. It forces me to look…

There’s something about putting myself out there that makes me feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. Like I’m being watched and judged by a faceless, nameless audience of strangers. It’s a unique kind of paranoia probably experienced to some degree by every person who posts on social media.

It makes me want to appear intelligent and presentable to the person who is reading me — y’know to appear flawed only to that degree where it makes me seem appealing and real. This could explain why I’ve had several blogs floating around at various moments over the last decade or more and the…

“If the moon smiled, she would resemble you. You leave the same impression of something beautiful, but annihilating.”

A friend and colleague sent me a quote from Sylvia Plath during one of our animated discussions over email.

Sylvia Plath

Even as I typed out an immediate response from the cold, steely grey keyboard, I couldn’t believe how much I have changed from the me of 10 years ago. The me of 10 years ago, would have let those words take flight in my heart and allow it to conjure an emotion of something beautiful and mysterious. …

Maryann Thomas

Sporadic blogger, philosopher & poet.

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